Yesterday Town and Country hit the mailbox with a resounding thump and in the front section is an area for doting parents to buy totally useless things for their 5 year old's.  Motive not being very Christmas-y as probably purchased for one upsmanship at cocktail parties and such. 

The other day we had a nice example of that in the pages of the Target circular - extremely expensive brand ride-in electric cars from Target.   From $124 to $309 for a BMW or Volvo - big ticket cars.

T and C as they fondly call themselves has a topper - and a bargain as far as cars for kids goes.  The bargain is a Big Toys Green Country Mercedes G55 SUV for $460.  Bargain?! you gasp?  (see below - roomier than the Target offerings no matter how la de dah they may (or not) be.

The "Can you top this? item is a Circu Magical Furniture plane bed for $22,430.  

Your eyes are not failing you - $22,430 for a kid's bed.  I noticed that to get into this flight to dreamland, the kid has to use what looks like a suitcase for a boarding step onto the mattress.  Probably available for a modest sum would be an alligator-skin trunk from Louis Vuiton for another $5 or $6,000.

With parents who are crazy enough to buy something like this at a price that is higher than the plane's projected altitude, I had to wonder if the kid would still fit in it when he was 35 and how could you take it apart for reassembly in the parent's basement (now a suite for the kid.) 

If you are handy with tools, here is a site that will allow you to build a version of this wretched excess.  It is   oncealoft.com   and it is a charitable donation to buy parts of airplanes, cockpit and flight attendant seats, instrument panels and other bits and pieces.  The proprietor, Captain Nick Louis (Ret.) a former UAL pilot is assisted by his son, a pilot for AAL.  Even if you don't have kids, and would certainly never toss out that kind of money, the site is an interesting place to visit and browse.   And in certain circles, day dream ...

A Backward Glance at Yesterday's Meal

Some small discoveries... 

I did most of the prep work on Wednesday so that, basically, all I did was lay out the appetizers after I turned on the oven on.  

Our no-waste-turkey:  bones, skin, giblets and worse  was replaced by 2 lbs. of Boars Head roasted breast of turkey cut into half-inch steaks.  All meat and plenty of it.  The turkey that contributed to our table was the Dolly Parton of birds.  This is not a "bargain" as 2 lbs. cost $25 which would have bought a 30 lb. turkey but No Waste.  You could and we did eat nothing but "pure" turkey meat and the white meat at that.  

Roast Squash with a Butter Maple sauce turned out well after some initial difficulty cutting the ends off and halving it for face-down roasting.  An hour later at 350 degrees, it was done and cooling to be bathed in about a half stick of butter and half a bottle of pure amber honey for the sauce.  I'd given this a small shake of cayenne pepper to give it a little more than pure sweet.  The garnish offered was glazed pecans, but our guest "D" said he like it with just the sauce.    His mother's recipe cranberry sauce was delicious, as usual.

The only disaster - and it WAS one - was trying to cook the stuffing in a waffle iron.  I will gloss over trying to get the lid open to check on degree of doneness and breaking the lid lifter (which snapped back on) BUT the waffler still refused to open.   In desperation, I unplugged it (based on the odor of burning trash and steam from the cracks)  and let it cool.  Eventually we were able to open it to find sad black patties indistinguishable from coal.  The whole thing went out on the balcony where it spend the night in deserved seclusion.  

Richie's pumpkin pie finished off dinner and this year's added attraction was a generous scoop of vanilla bean ice cream.  "D" was particularly pleased at this addition - he loves him some ice cream.  

All in all, it wasn't a bad dinner; it just wasn't as good as others I've made in the past.  As I am stubborn and love the mental picture of gravy pouring into all of the little waffle holes I remind myself, I've got a year +/- to perfect stuffing waffles.  Gravy Greed can make you crazy.    You read it here.   

Wretched Excess More's the Pity

I now consider the Thanksgiving Day meal done and dusted since I did prep work yesterday; mentally assigned specific bowls to certain foods, the platter for the turkey, spurred Himself into clearing off the dining room table  and all I have to do is heat it and dish'er out.

Freeing me to read the Target ad which I did.  One item positively leaped off of their pages and it was Kids Cars.  On several levels - does a 5 year old need a driveable "car"?  The makes and models - what the hell is a kid doing knowing model numbers on such as the Volvo, Mercedes Benz and more.  And a great deal more.  This would indicate to me parents who are more than a little concerned about "status" and extending it on down to clueless kids.  Cruel.  And then they wonder why Sonny, age 35,  is living in their basement with free use of the servants (if any) and doesn't pay rent.  Or have a job.  Or want one.  Look in the mirror Moms and Dads.

As you see from the above I can almost always get indignant about something.  I'm not proud of it.

Anyhow, if you are dying to get your Satan's Image a sit in, drive around "car" here are some from which to choose.  Target, shipped to you; not kept in stores.

The following run on a 6V battery.

BMW 18 Hybrid Concept $175.99

Mercedes-Benz GL 450 SUV in white  $124.99

Ford Mustang, red $169.99

BMW X5  black  $199.99

Audi 6V gray $128.99

ProGolf Cart   white  $128.99

Revving up - the following are 12V
Chevrolet Bel Air in light blue $249.99; in pink $241.99  no idea why.

Volvo XC 90  white or black  $299.99

Chevrolet Camaro seats two kids  $369.99

Kawasaki KFZ motorcycle  $249.99

Arctic Ca  army green  $309.99

DOTING PARENTS PLEASE NOTE THAT NONE OF THESE COME WITH A SEATBELT.  IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT TO TEACH YOUR KIDS? (Satan's Image parents excused.)

Happy Thanksgiving!

or as it's known in some circles - The T-Day Gobble-a-thon!

Get on your mark, have your fork ready and GO FOR IT!

Other Thanksgiving Traditions Rarely Mentioned As Such -- But They Are

And so this morning, we are reminded of more traditions than turkey starring in dinner menus.

The media is helpfully cranking up the angst with photos of such as the 405 freeway at night - a double ribbon - white headlights going north and another ribbon  of red taillights going south towards LAX.

Overbooking airlines with resultant bad feelings throughout airports; the mandatory shot of wanna be travelers sleeping on the floor; suitcases as pillows.  A photo can't show it, but there is incessant noise - from the change of gate announcements, the reminder that you cannot park in front of the airport entrance, screaming children, yelling adults and crying babies.

The East Coast weather (always bad and predicted to get worse) slowing or delaying flights; scare headlines that predict no Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade due to high winds or snow storms …

None of this is "news" because it all happens every year and is definitely a Thanksgiving Day holiday tradition.

More's the pity.

As Always...

If I can't find something funny, interesting or mildly educational, I'll keep my trap firmly shut.

A Brief History of "Festivus" a Holiday NOT Invented by "Seinfeld."

Sad news, I know that the devotees of "Seinfeld" will be devastated.  Tough shit.  Neither Seinfeld nor Curb Your Enthusiasm are even remotely of interest, let alone to be considered hilarious.

This is how Festivus came about.  In February, 1966, a now retired Readers Digest editor named Daniel O'Keefe - apparently a major romantic (or a guy who just liked to have a few to celebrate damned near anything) created  what he called "Festivus" saying later that the name just popped into his head.   He insisted that his wife join him in celebration of  the anniversary of their first date.  Hard to get more nebulous than that …

Time went on, the couple had three sons, one of whom wound up as a writer on the "Seinfeld" show.  A fellow on the show overhead Dan O'Keefe describing it to other show writers and lobbied to have an episode written about it.  O'Keefe didn't want to do it and protested mightily to (clearly) no avail.

Before "Seinfeld" the O'Keefe household celebrated Festivus on random holidays - not just Christmas.  Activities included wearing funny hats, Dan and his two brothers wrestling and a clock put in a bag.  This mystified the boys but all their father would say was, "That's not for you to know."  This may be a sort of Celtic recognition of death inasmuch as the first Festivus arose from the death of O'Keefe, Sr.'s mother.  A way of saying, time is fleeting; seize the day, we never know when the bomb will drop on us.  There was no pole made of  aluminum, pine or anything else at the O'Keefe residence.  

Airing of the Grievances on the show was in turn inspired by O'Keefe the Elder's admiration for Samuel Becket's play "Krapp's Last Tape."  During the continuation of Festivus at the house from the '60s, '70s and on, he would tape himself talking about whatever had gone on during the previous months.  Again, an item copied by the show writers.

Now you know more than you may have wished about Festivus.  Since, ideally, this non-official holiday includes food and drink, and plenty of it, give some consideration to the end of January as your Festivus.   The bills have come in, the weather (and many of you) has gone south on us all and it is, generally, a good time for a party.  Ice the champagne and caviar and have at it!