Never Be Surprised at a Wedding Ceremony Again

"Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette" by Anna Post and Lizzie Post  William Morrow   380 pages   $29.99

If you are a different faith or nationality than that of the happy couple, some of the things at their weddings may surprise you.  To avoid any possible neural shocks, the Posts et al have complied a very helpful précis of them.  With no further introduction ...

African-America:  very often the African colors are represented, predominantly red, green and gold Kente cloth which may be an altar cover.  The old ritual of "jumping the broom" may be included.  I think this dates back to the days when the only preacher available was a circuit rider and jumping the broom represented setting up a new, united household until the priest could arrive. 

British:  Banns (announcement of the intent) must be posted in the church of choice and read aloud for three consecutive Sundays, a custom which probably goes back to the days when travel was difficult; communication virtually non-existent and the only way to hear "official" news was at the church itself. 

Chinese:  Red is the color for happiness and luck and you may see a great deal of it at the wedding.  Fortune tellers and feng shui experts have examined the couples' birthdates, astrological signs and determined the best day (and time, occasionally) for the union. 

French:  the Catholic church still reigns and marriages in France start with the official marriage in the Mayor's office, closely followed by a church service and then a reception.  Included in the reception are the groom's family grumbling about, "Too long for drinks!  I thought we'd never eat!"  "What on earth was that dinner meat?"  (Huge sniff) "Three cakes are traditional; not two!  How stingy!"  I know; I was there.

Germany:  The excitement is the night before the wedding ceremony - it's a sort of pre-reception with the happy couple being teased and everyone sets to with a will smashing plates.

Greece:  Bridal veils are often bright red or yellow, symbolizing fire to ward off evil spirits.  The bride may have a sugar cube (for a sweet life) or a strand of ivy (for endless love)  secreted in a pocket. 

Hispanic:  Brides don't wear pearls - bad luck!  The traditional dress is white, but the bride will have sewn ribbons onto her lingerie - yellow for food; blue for money and red for passion.  But I wouldn't advise the gentlemen present to try to sneak a peek.  The male Latino (generally) has a fiery temper and a deep sense of ownership.

To be continued...

Cryonics - Ice Breaker For Your Next Dinner Party

I've finished "Shocked - Adventures in Bringing Back the Recently Dead, '"  On page 146 the good doctor Casarett attends a "cryonaut" convention, hosted by Alcor, a premiere in the field of cryogenics, defined as the low temperature preservation of humans who cannot be sustained by current medicine.

Originally (and rather meanly) Dr. Casarett arrives expecting a crowd of mad science fiction horror fans.  Instead, among others, he listens to a young woman who is dying of cancer who tells the audience, "My doctors told me to take the standard treatments which cost $500,000.  They didn't work.  This only costs $200,000 and it's my only chance to be saved."  Frankly I suspected that the poor woman was suffering from "chemo brain." 

At the first lecture, he learns that working in the field and actually doing the work are the employees of Suspended Animation a subsidiary of Alcor.  For a successful cryonics ending the team must be on site as quickly as possible (ideally six hours) to transfer the deceased to an Alcor facility.

Such is my cynicism that I wonder why these cryonic firms are in business and not jail.  A thousand year "sell by" date?  I worry about the sad, silly people who believe that being frozen and subsequently thawed will restore them to life.  Those chemicals have to be changed; the storage facilities have to be staffed and maintained - for 1,000 years?  Ah, ye of great faith in a slick sales person ...Greed takes on ignorance and you know who is going to win.


And then I began to think about the morality of offering such a service and why the recipient has such a tremendous fear of death?  An unoriginal thought, but dead is dead.  I think it's a direct denial of any faith in God or Allah or your choice of deities because if you were a religious person, you would accept the Prime Mover's life direction - we are born and then we die.   Depending on the religion, we either go to a fun place and see all our old mates again - or not. 

When your guests are seated around the table, enjoying the first course, ask in a neutral tone who, if they had unlimited money,  would prefer becoming a cryonaut or just fulfilling your destiny and being cremated or buried?  The ensuing discussion should prove to be lively.  For prudency you may want to limit the meal to soft foods like a quiche or something that doesn't require a steak knife to eat. 
 

Subhuman Intelligence

One of the ways to prove you are a card-carrying member of the Anti-Mensa bunch is to get furious about something, vow revenge and start robbing, looting and burning down your own neighborhood.

Getting Ready for Winter

For most of us, winter is a time to hibernate with good books, good Websites and good food (always a priority around here for some reason.)

Bob (Well-Marbled) Brodsky, Ph. D, wrote to announce publication of his 7th or 8th book title "Pat and Bob TRIP the Light Fantastic."  

The husband and wife collaborated on this tome and their travels and enjoyment, mostly, of same are  quite interesting.  I'm  going to resort to quoting.

"You will visit the amazing sites that ancient Egypt established; inspect the Holy Land and Middle East; the Kasbahs of Northern Africa; the wonders of China, Japan, Hong Kong and Singapore; the countries of Western Europe as well as Russia from the Baltic to the Caspian Seas; boated down the Danube from Budapest to the Black Sea and visited both the eastern and western shores of Central and South America."  Whew - no one they're both in their '80s - they just got home!

Karatedr.com is an interesting site if you are into martial arts and arguments - er, "discussions" about karate styles and origins with some lush photographs of Okinawa dotted throughout.

Winter quick breakfast - buy a jar of almond butter and add a handful or two of candied ginger to it and stir.  Cut up an apple, dip slices in the jar and be on your merry way.  The vitamin C and the protein are good for you and the candied ginger will warm you up!

Bring summer back!  Whip up a jar or two of pineapple pickles.
1 qt. distilled white vinegar
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 chilis de arbre
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 small pineapple, peeled, quartered, cored crosswise in 1/4 in. slices.

Put everything EXCEPT the pineapple in a saucepan and bring to a boil.  When the sugar has dissolved, let the pan cool, poor the contents into a bowl and add the pineapple.  Let cool, then refrigerate.  Said to be good served with a pork roast...

Hurry! Summer Is Almost Over!

I'm pretty sure that the helicopter from the 34th Street heliport in Manhattan will cut back on flights to the Hamptons after Labor Day.  So what we need to do is fly to New York and take it.

Town & Country magazine says "blading" into the Hamptons is ever-so-chic.  Certainly, they would know -- example of their great discernment - the cover blares, "Should your jewels match your furs?"  Indeed a pressing matter to so many of us...

For those who have never been to "the Hamptons" don't fret too much.  Many of the people who drive out there never get there at all - that's how bad the traffic is said to be.

There are ways to get around this - sort of.  The Hampton Ambassador Jitney is $45 one way; a car service is $450, but I think you have to provide your own six-pack. 

But trumping all of that frou-frou is Blade, partnered with Liberty helicopter.  A six-seat chopper takes one from Manhattan to East Hampton and Southampton for $575; to go to Montauk is $625.  If you take the Blade Ultra, it's $895 but at the terminal, you are offered free rose and mini-lobster rolls.  "Oh, thanks darling - had a lobster roll on the Blade, so I'm full."  And a free copy of the NY Post which brings the "tone" down quite a bit in many people's estimation. 

Posh extra - if your flight is grounded due to unstable weather, you will be driven to your destination by a chauffeured Maserati - for free.  That kinda makes up for the Post, doesn't it?   

Pros and Cons of Cat Adoption

Richie is really infatuated by the stray cat.  I know he wants to bring her into the house.  But if no one responds to the flyers I put out, then we have to:

Get her used to the cat cage by putting a towel on the floor of it, making sure the door won't engage and feed her a few kibbles in it from time to time.  Like a mint on a hotel pillow.

Once she doesn't fear the cage, the door is locked and away we sail to the vet's for a wellness check and the anti-flea monthly doses.

Then a collar (bright red) and return tags as well as insurance at VIP Pets (where the other two cats have been registered since we got them.)

I estimate that "Annabel" is about a year old.  Going by the ages of our previous and original four cats (three siblings; one "favor" cat - "Oh, I'm moving and I can't have a cat there...") deaths of age 13, 17, 17, and 19; they live on average 16 years and five months.  In 16 years and five months, I  will be 90 years old!

As it is, both present cats are 12 years old and to insert a year old into their mix would be like installing her in an old folk's home. 

So far she plays well with Minuit who loves "outdoors" so much she'd probably like to join her.  Unfortunately, Streak, a calico, will probably try to kill her.*  She does not play well with others and is the dominant of the two present cats.

* Presuming Annabel is not a male.  If "she" is male then a rather different name will have to be assigned.  A male cat named "Annabel" is just a little too gay.

An Interesting Book

Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but it should be.  I'll let the author's words speak for him.

"Shocked - Adventures in Bringing Back the Recently Dead" by David Casarett, MD   Current   260 pages   $27.95

"Recently dead" was a phrase that unveiled my English teacher persona.  It doesn't seem right somehow to call a patient who has croaked on an OR table that because there is a team of medical personnel working desperately to revive the patient.  "Briefly dead" seems a better choice ...

But let me not quibble about details and move on.  In today's world we have space age technology to revive someone.  Particularly if you go back to Amsterdam in 1769...

A woman is found lying face down in a canal.  She is quite dead.

But hark!  Comes two men, well-dressed and prosperous looking who haul the body up and out of the canal.  A handy log is used to put her stomach-down on it and roll her back and forth.  Water does emerge from her mouth, but the woman shows no sign of life. 

The woman is taken to a nearby tavern, wrapped in blankets and put in front of the fire.   The apothecary comes bustling in and begins to rub her down with a mixture of spirit of rosemary and ammonia.  A pot of boiling water is put on her feet.  The apothecary rigs up a pipe and blows tobacco smoke into her rectum. (Perhaps the origination of the phrase "You're just blowin' smoke?) The woman is indifferent (because she's still dead.)

The apothecary bends over his bag, finally straightening up waving triumphantly his ultimate weapon  --a long white feather.  Knowledgeable crowd members murmur, "Yup, knew they'd have to pull out the feather."  Said feather is used to tickle the poor woman's throat - as far back as the apothecary can place it.

Apparently fed up, the woman begins choking, gasping and vomiting.  The rescuers ply her with gin and then everyone goes about their business.

I'm still reading (page 125) and all sorts of fascinating tidbits are emerging.  Suspended animation or hibernation is pursued because it would be extremely useful for a wounded soldier who may be 36 hours from medical help.

His style is anecdotal and he uses frequent comparisons to things the lay person understands as opposed to medical terms.