Thursday, February 9, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Something Sinister Going On?
Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband, "Prinz" von A's public antics have amused me for quite some time. Abducted by two women, stripped naked, left by the side of the road as they drove off in his car... the run for California governor... His inspired lunacies have long been a source of extreme mirth to me.
Yesterday evening, he threw a 95th birthday party for ailing wife, Zsa Zsa, at their home. Reuters news service reports that The Prinz greeted everyone by showing them the chocolate birthday cake -- candles still smoking; nice touch that -- he said was given to Zsa Zsa by chef Wolfgang Puck.
Since Zsa Zsa was kept behind closed doors for the entire evening, it is a question of some interest as to who actually blew out the birthday candles? Yes, I can imagine this scenario:
Prinz to ZsaZsa, "Come, my darlink, let me make you more comfortable..." reaches out, takes her hand. "But! My darlink! Your little hand is ice cold!"
At this point he realizes, so is the rest of her! She died! And no one even noticed it!
Gott in Himmel! I've got 50 guests out there ... vot vill I do? (Thinks, then face lights up) Vere iss my lighter? fumbles through pockets. Finds lighter and lights birthday candles on the small chocolate cake he had set on the bedside table. Candles burn brightly and then Poof! he blows them out. He then shouts, "Happy birthday, my darlink! I'm going to show your cake to all of the guests now!" Tenderly he draws the sheet up over her head...
The guests were served a white, layered cake with the initials "ZZ" printed on each layer. Fresh strawberries topped this cake.
Meanly it occurs to me that a strawberry shortcake is considerably cheaper than a layered, frosted cake..Perhaps the pink champagne put him over-budget and he had to scrimp on something!
But: mostly I find it awfully suspicious that the celebrant was behind closed doors...all evening long.
Yesterday evening, he threw a 95th birthday party for ailing wife, Zsa Zsa, at their home. Reuters news service reports that The Prinz greeted everyone by showing them the chocolate birthday cake -- candles still smoking; nice touch that -- he said was given to Zsa Zsa by chef Wolfgang Puck.
Since Zsa Zsa was kept behind closed doors for the entire evening, it is a question of some interest as to who actually blew out the birthday candles? Yes, I can imagine this scenario:
Prinz to ZsaZsa, "Come, my darlink, let me make you more comfortable..." reaches out, takes her hand. "But! My darlink! Your little hand is ice cold!"
At this point he realizes, so is the rest of her! She died! And no one even noticed it!
Gott in Himmel! I've got 50 guests out there ... vot vill I do? (Thinks, then face lights up) Vere iss my lighter? fumbles through pockets. Finds lighter and lights birthday candles on the small chocolate cake he had set on the bedside table. Candles burn brightly and then Poof! he blows them out. He then shouts, "Happy birthday, my darlink! I'm going to show your cake to all of the guests now!" Tenderly he draws the sheet up over her head...
The guests were served a white, layered cake with the initials "ZZ" printed on each layer. Fresh strawberries topped this cake.
Meanly it occurs to me that a strawberry shortcake is considerably cheaper than a layered, frosted cake..Perhaps the pink champagne put him over-budget and he had to scrimp on something!
But: mostly I find it awfully suspicious that the celebrant was behind closed doors...all evening long.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Guest Columnist!
Today, we are honored by the presence of one of the great satarists of our time -- Rudy Whitcomb!
The Cloud
Although the weather reporter on the television had warned us for days, like many other Southern Californians, we were caught completely off-guard when a cloud appeared yesterday afternoon at about 3 p.m. After all, who pays any attention to the weather report?
I was at home at the time and we were relatively unscathed, but some friends of ours were in their car, traveling on the Harbor Freeway and they say traffic came to a complete stop as the panicked motorists rolled up their windows and tightened their seat belts.
They, like hundreds of other motorists were helpless, trapped in their cars and could only wait and pray for help to come.
Luckily, our friends were returning from grocery shopping and were able to open the trunk and get to a frozen turkey that they were able to cook one bite at a time with the car's cigarette lighter to get them through the ordeal.
Unlike some of our more fortunate neighbors and most of the rich folks in Beverly Hills, we do not have a cloud cellar.
But we were prepared with emergency provisions, beer, sweaters, extra helmets, safety glasses and a kitten.
Aside from that, there was little else we could do. We were utterly helpless and alone and could only cower in our homes and peer out of the wiondows, hoping the cloud would soon disappear or move on to the less fortunate neighborhoods to the east. (The people to the east are poor and are used to having bad things happen to them.)
Trying to maintain a brave front and calm the womenfolk, I suggested we play with my Christmas present (a home tattoo set) or maybe do some skeet shooting out the upstairs window.
But I could tell, the Missus was having none of it and if I didn't come up with a real good diversion, something to calm her and take her mind off of our plight, she would again start hinting that I should go outside and paint the garage.
We compromised by going to our room, pushing the dog out of the way and crawling under the bed with a bowl of spaghetti and some whipped cream.
The minutes turned into an hour, but at last the authorities sounded the siren, signalling that the cloud was gone and we could venture outside.
Now, as if nothing had happened, it was sunny and warm as it always should be.
We were met with an almost-festive atmosphere as many of our neighbors came out of the safety of their homes to gather on their lawns to relieve themselves of their pent-up tension by trading stories about their experiences -- where they were when they first realized there was a cloud in the sky and what they did to protect themselves.
One old timer, I guess you could call him the patriarch of the block, told the tale of the great cloud of '33.
"In those days, when we had a cloud, we had a cloud. Back then it wasn't like it is now, with yer fancy weather people and yer Doppler radars and satellites up there in the sky to warn you about a cloud a'comin'" he said, drawing himself up to his full height and taking a hit on the half-full bottle of Jim Beam we were passing around.
"No sirree Bob," he continued, after clearing his throat and spitting in our flowerbed. "Back then you could be a-goin' about your business outdoors, naked and defenseless, happy as you please when out of the blue, there it was. A cloud. A cloud as big as a barn. Bigger. Dark and ominous, they would be, hangin' overhead like the harbinger of doom that they are, threatening who knows what?" he said with a faraway look in his eye as the bourbon kicked in.
About then we all had to hit the deck to dodge the bullets as the 4 o'clock drive-by shooter came down the street. Then it was back inside our homes to turn on our television sets in time to catch the 5 p.m. high-speed car chase. Every night it's held on a different freeway and we have a pool going as to which one it will be.
Tonight, I have $5 on the 60 Freeway between Montebello and North Long Beach.
The Cloud
Although the weather reporter on the television had warned us for days, like many other Southern Californians, we were caught completely off-guard when a cloud appeared yesterday afternoon at about 3 p.m. After all, who pays any attention to the weather report?
I was at home at the time and we were relatively unscathed, but some friends of ours were in their car, traveling on the Harbor Freeway and they say traffic came to a complete stop as the panicked motorists rolled up their windows and tightened their seat belts.
They, like hundreds of other motorists were helpless, trapped in their cars and could only wait and pray for help to come.
Luckily, our friends were returning from grocery shopping and were able to open the trunk and get to a frozen turkey that they were able to cook one bite at a time with the car's cigarette lighter to get them through the ordeal.
Unlike some of our more fortunate neighbors and most of the rich folks in Beverly Hills, we do not have a cloud cellar.
But we were prepared with emergency provisions, beer, sweaters, extra helmets, safety glasses and a kitten.
Aside from that, there was little else we could do. We were utterly helpless and alone and could only cower in our homes and peer out of the wiondows, hoping the cloud would soon disappear or move on to the less fortunate neighborhoods to the east. (The people to the east are poor and are used to having bad things happen to them.)
Trying to maintain a brave front and calm the womenfolk, I suggested we play with my Christmas present (a home tattoo set) or maybe do some skeet shooting out the upstairs window.
But I could tell, the Missus was having none of it and if I didn't come up with a real good diversion, something to calm her and take her mind off of our plight, she would again start hinting that I should go outside and paint the garage.
We compromised by going to our room, pushing the dog out of the way and crawling under the bed with a bowl of spaghetti and some whipped cream.
The minutes turned into an hour, but at last the authorities sounded the siren, signalling that the cloud was gone and we could venture outside.
Now, as if nothing had happened, it was sunny and warm as it always should be.
We were met with an almost-festive atmosphere as many of our neighbors came out of the safety of their homes to gather on their lawns to relieve themselves of their pent-up tension by trading stories about their experiences -- where they were when they first realized there was a cloud in the sky and what they did to protect themselves.
One old timer, I guess you could call him the patriarch of the block, told the tale of the great cloud of '33.
"In those days, when we had a cloud, we had a cloud. Back then it wasn't like it is now, with yer fancy weather people and yer Doppler radars and satellites up there in the sky to warn you about a cloud a'comin'" he said, drawing himself up to his full height and taking a hit on the half-full bottle of Jim Beam we were passing around.
"No sirree Bob," he continued, after clearing his throat and spitting in our flowerbed. "Back then you could be a-goin' about your business outdoors, naked and defenseless, happy as you please when out of the blue, there it was. A cloud. A cloud as big as a barn. Bigger. Dark and ominous, they would be, hangin' overhead like the harbinger of doom that they are, threatening who knows what?" he said with a faraway look in his eye as the bourbon kicked in.
About then we all had to hit the deck to dodge the bullets as the 4 o'clock drive-by shooter came down the street. Then it was back inside our homes to turn on our television sets in time to catch the 5 p.m. high-speed car chase. Every night it's held on a different freeway and we have a pool going as to which one it will be.
Tonight, I have $5 on the 60 Freeway between Montebello and North Long Beach.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
An "A-hah!" Moment
We have three Trader Joe stores within easy driving distance of the house, but we seem to prefer the one in Riviera Village (the southern end of Redondo Beach.) Because the wine department is on the way to the checkout clerks, I will often stop and check out the champagnes/proseccos/sparkling wines. The shelves always look as though no one has bought any of the above for quite some time.
Yesterday though, there were huge gaps in this department. I was confused. Who the hell would buy champagne to toast the Super Bowl winners? It would be wildly unusual for that to happen in a beach community (populated largely by surfers, Ugg wearers and other laggards.)
And then I remembered. In addition to the Super Bowl this afternoon, this morning's event was the Redondo Beach Supr Bowl 10K! It would be perfectly normal to drink champagne after that! Bragging rights on best time, most awarded six-pack, fastest parent pushing a baby carriage (with baby.)
Mystery solved!
Yesterday though, there were huge gaps in this department. I was confused. Who the hell would buy champagne to toast the Super Bowl winners? It would be wildly unusual for that to happen in a beach community (populated largely by surfers, Ugg wearers and other laggards.)
And then I remembered. In addition to the Super Bowl this afternoon, this morning's event was the Redondo Beach Supr Bowl 10K! It would be perfectly normal to drink champagne after that! Bragging rights on best time, most awarded six-pack, fastest parent pushing a baby carriage (with baby.)
Mystery solved!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Guest Columnist!
My cousin Doug and his wife live in Anderson, IN, very near Indianapolis, so I asked him if Super Bowl will interfere with life as it is generally lived there. Our Man on the Ground wrote back:
"Indeed it will. Our proximity to Indy (about 30 miles or a 20-minute drive along I-69) makes our community a hot spot for those seeking low-budget accomodations.
Thousands of people are staying in motels and dining in local restaurants both in and around Anderson and also 18 miles to our East in Muncie (home of Ball State University and David Letterman.)
Since I-69 is the corridor from Muncie to Anderson to Indy, there is a considerable melding of Super Bowl tourists seeking local fare at reasonable prices. My wife and I just returned from having pizza and beer at our favorite spot called Art's Pizza, which is a locally-owned establishment that is renowned as offering some of the best pizza anywhere. The place was packed, which is unusual. We saw quite a few "unfamiliar faces" above NY Giants jerseys in that small local establishment where just about everyone knows everyone else, so I'm sure they were guests here for the Super Bowl week events.
You also have to remember, Anderson is the training camp home of the Indianapolis Colts, and as such a second Hoosier home to Peyton Manning, so many Hoosiers are cheering for Peyton's little brother and his NY Giants.
Anderson is also the home of the Hoosier Park Horse Racing and Casino (which attracts more than a million visitors a year;) a destination for many racing fans during the Indy 500 and the Brickyard 400 weekends; a sanctuary for NCAA tourney fans since Indy is always a tourney site and often the finals location. It's the international headquarters of the Church of God, whose annual camp meeting can attract 15,000 - 20,000 people from around the world for a week-long religious confab. So we do get residual impacts from major events and we are accustomed to having sizeable tourist groups.
Oh! And no black out of the game. The NFL doesn't do that with the Super Bowl since it attracts a stadium full of non-locals.
The Indy 500 is always blacked out since the track can accomodate far more people than Lucas Oil Stadium. "
"Indeed it will. Our proximity to Indy (about 30 miles or a 20-minute drive along I-69) makes our community a hot spot for those seeking low-budget accomodations.
Thousands of people are staying in motels and dining in local restaurants both in and around Anderson and also 18 miles to our East in Muncie (home of Ball State University and David Letterman.)
Since I-69 is the corridor from Muncie to Anderson to Indy, there is a considerable melding of Super Bowl tourists seeking local fare at reasonable prices. My wife and I just returned from having pizza and beer at our favorite spot called Art's Pizza, which is a locally-owned establishment that is renowned as offering some of the best pizza anywhere. The place was packed, which is unusual. We saw quite a few "unfamiliar faces" above NY Giants jerseys in that small local establishment where just about everyone knows everyone else, so I'm sure they were guests here for the Super Bowl week events.
You also have to remember, Anderson is the training camp home of the Indianapolis Colts, and as such a second Hoosier home to Peyton Manning, so many Hoosiers are cheering for Peyton's little brother and his NY Giants.
Anderson is also the home of the Hoosier Park Horse Racing and Casino (which attracts more than a million visitors a year;) a destination for many racing fans during the Indy 500 and the Brickyard 400 weekends; a sanctuary for NCAA tourney fans since Indy is always a tourney site and often the finals location. It's the international headquarters of the Church of God, whose annual camp meeting can attract 15,000 - 20,000 people from around the world for a week-long religious confab. So we do get residual impacts from major events and we are accustomed to having sizeable tourist groups.
Oh! And no black out of the game. The NFL doesn't do that with the Super Bowl since it attracts a stadium full of non-locals.
The Indy 500 is always blacked out since the track can accomodate far more people than Lucas Oil Stadium. "
Friday, February 3, 2012
Drinking Appropriately
Tuesday, Jan. 31st Roy's, Rancho Mirage
We (Richie's brother Charlie, his wife Rosalind, my sister Jane and her husband Jim, Richie and self) were about to order pre-dinner drinks. I turned to Jim and asked, "Dirty martini, up?" as we are the only martini drinkers in the bunch.
"No," he said, "I'm going to have (something else, can't remember). I like a martini at a steak place, but not here," gesturing at the menu.
"Ah hah!" I thought, as our waiter approached, "I'll have something different, too."
He bent down (attractive young guy with a ready smile)and I said, "You have two champagnes listed on your menu (he nodded, gravely) - I'd like a glass of the cheaper one!" and he grinned and rolled off a long French name, some of which "Lorraine" I remembered from the menu and I said, "That's the one!"
Later, dinner was at the coffee and desserts stage and he asked me what I would have and I said, "Another glass of the same champagne, please." When he came back, I had my head turned, talking to my sister. When I did turn back, I saw with alarm that it was the expensive champagne! (White, $14/glass; red $9/glass.)
"Richie, please get the waiter back! He gave me the wrong champagne!" sitting well away from it, thinking, "No fingerprints on the glass! Not even my breath touching it!"
He came back, I gestured and he winked and said, "The bar mixed up the order; I billed the cheaper one" and grinned. I thought for a nanosecond and said, shrugging, "In that case, I might as well keep it" and we both grinned like the accomplices we apparently were.
The next night at Tommy Bahama's Caribbean Cafe, we were all together once again. Remembering Jim's words on appropriate drinks, I ordered a Pineapple Jalapeno Mojito. I have no idea of the amounts used, but here are the listed ingredients:
Cruzon Pineapple cane syrup, rum, mint, and club soda garnished with a thin ring of raw jalapeno and a sliver of pineapple. So much for the ballyhooed "pineapple jalapeno"!
But it went well with my Caesar salad,* followed by coconut shrimp with Asian slaw. It was perfectly appropriate.
* I am on a private quest for the perfect Caesar salad. I thought I had had it at Charlie's, A New York Joint, but they quit making their own Caesar dressing and went to Girard's.
We (Richie's brother Charlie, his wife Rosalind, my sister Jane and her husband Jim, Richie and self) were about to order pre-dinner drinks. I turned to Jim and asked, "Dirty martini, up?" as we are the only martini drinkers in the bunch.
"No," he said, "I'm going to have (something else, can't remember). I like a martini at a steak place, but not here," gesturing at the menu.
"Ah hah!" I thought, as our waiter approached, "I'll have something different, too."
He bent down (attractive young guy with a ready smile)and I said, "You have two champagnes listed on your menu (he nodded, gravely) - I'd like a glass of the cheaper one!" and he grinned and rolled off a long French name, some of which "Lorraine" I remembered from the menu and I said, "That's the one!"
Later, dinner was at the coffee and desserts stage and he asked me what I would have and I said, "Another glass of the same champagne, please." When he came back, I had my head turned, talking to my sister. When I did turn back, I saw with alarm that it was the expensive champagne! (White, $14/glass; red $9/glass.)
"Richie, please get the waiter back! He gave me the wrong champagne!" sitting well away from it, thinking, "No fingerprints on the glass! Not even my breath touching it!"
He came back, I gestured and he winked and said, "The bar mixed up the order; I billed the cheaper one" and grinned. I thought for a nanosecond and said, shrugging, "In that case, I might as well keep it" and we both grinned like the accomplices we apparently were.
The next night at Tommy Bahama's Caribbean Cafe, we were all together once again. Remembering Jim's words on appropriate drinks, I ordered a Pineapple Jalapeno Mojito. I have no idea of the amounts used, but here are the listed ingredients:
Cruzon Pineapple cane syrup, rum, mint, and club soda garnished with a thin ring of raw jalapeno and a sliver of pineapple. So much for the ballyhooed "pineapple jalapeno"!
But it went well with my Caesar salad,* followed by coconut shrimp with Asian slaw. It was perfectly appropriate.
* I am on a private quest for the perfect Caesar salad. I thought I had had it at Charlie's, A New York Joint, but they quit making their own Caesar dressing and went to Girard's.
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