Friday, September 14, 2012

Madcap or Clinically Insane? You Be the Judge!

As I have aged, I have discovered a new facet of the diamond that is my personality (I don't need to tell you that I'm joking, right?) and it is this:  a part of my brain that I never knew existed will pop into a conversation uninvited and add a comment that I never would have thought of all by myself.

Example:  A woman I didn't know very well and I were having a business lunch in a restaurant.  The waitress noticed that I didn't have a place setting and scurried to bring me a napkin, knife and fork.

I gravely handed the knife back to her, handle first, and said, sadly, "I'm not allowed these." 

The look on her face was priceless and my luncheon companion edged her chair away from the table a little bit.

Admittedly I've done things like this in the past, but those were planned.  I had a client named Danny Ashcraft, an off-road racer, who ran a successful business down in Carlsbad.  We had to communicate frequently during racing season, but he had a secretary who always asked, "May I tell him who is calling?" (despite the frequent number of times she'd heard my voice.

So I took to making up occupations.  "Certainly -- I'm his parole officer" was one; another was "Certainly - I'm his spiritual guru" to which she asked, "What's a guru?" beating me at my own game. 

Most recently, I had another attack (?) in France.   The wedding party was gathered on the ramparts of an old fort with a dynamite view of the Old Port.  It was a balmy evening, the drinks table was laden, the appetizers were abundant.  I was visiting with a trio that consisted of an old man, his middle-aged son and his wife.

The Old Man had worked for IBM in San Francisco and waxed nostalgic about it and San Diego where he'd done a stint.  I explained that we lived in Los Angeles County, in a little town called "Redondo Beach."  Noting their blank expressions, I added, "We're 20 minutes south of LAX."

"Ah, ah!" recognition.  One asked, "What do you do there?"

I looked around rather furtively, hunched my shoulders and leaned toward them.  "We're in France -- I guess it's okay to tell you -- my husband and I rob banks - so being close to the airport is a real advantage."

Nanosecond  - and they roared.

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