Saturday, April 1, 2017

April Fool! The Passive-Aggressive Holiday

The purpose of April Fools' Day is to make another person look ridiculous.  Whether by doing something physical - slapping the cut-out of a fish or a "Kick Me!" sign on another's unsuspecting back or relating faux news.  Some recent examples:

The Smithsonian National Zoo has discovered the first unicorn in the wild.

Virgin Atlantic is debuting their new aircraft, the 1417, which flaps its wings for propulsion.

The London Tube has new signs posted that warn travelers of ghost sightings on or near the tracks.  Passengers are being asked to notify authorities if a ghost is spotted as said ghosts are traveling without valid payment.

Virgin Trains offer a tattoo of the ticket on the passenger's forearm so that they will never loose a ticket again.

The University of Dundee now offers a master's degree in penguins.

Petco is testing drones that will pick up your dog's waste outdoors. 

New Dog Product:  beef broth gummy bears. 

We are not alone in this viciousness.  The following countries join in the merriment of embarrassing another or, better still, making them cry.  United Kingdom, Ireland, Poland, France ( the faux fish stick-ons,) India, Romania, Denmark, Finland, Sweden, Italy, Belgium.  In the European countries, the jest is to give a sealed envelope to a friend, tell them that it is a very important document and must be taken to so-and-so who, upon receipt, opens it and reads "not mine - take it to another fool." 

"Passive Aggressive" is defined by hostility in using such as "Whatever"  Or procrastinating about performing a chore "Bob, I've asked you THREE times to take out the trash!"

Being bitchy about someone else's fortune - a co-worker shows you her brand-new engagement ring and you say, "Turn it to the light a little, I can't see the diamond." 

"Nice shoes!  I wish I could afford something like them, but my money has to go to the rent."

"Oh so that's the house you're buying - fixer-upper, eh?"

"We looked all over for you at the Champagne Gala - didn't you get my invitation?" (and you deliberately didn't send one.)

I would call all of the above just sheer bitchery as there is no talent involved in being a real pain inna ass and/or rude.  Didn't your mother ever teach you that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?  Shame.

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