Sunday, October 20, 2019

Wherein I Steal To Make You Laugh

If you guessed that Reader's Digest arrived yesterday!  Sound the gong!  You won!

I sleep with a knife under my pillow because you never know when someone is going to break into the  house bringing you a cake!  Sweet dreams!

Speaking of food gifts. people camping out in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear food group.

There are many theories on why humans even need to sleep (and see above; not recommended in a sleeping bag) but it's pretty sure that it's to charge up our phones...

A lawyer's advice from L. Scott Briscoe, of West Virginia.

After pleading guilty to transferring and receiving stolen property, do not ask your judge whether he's interested in seeing the collection of watches you have for sale.

If you're running from the scene of your crime, the law will find you if you leave behind your wallet.  And your car.  And your friends sitting in the car.

Do not plan your next felony over the pay phone in your jail pod next to the sign that reads:  All phone calls are monitored and recorded.

Calling a tow service to haul a broken-down ATV you are in the process of stealing creates a paper trail.  And a witness.

Don't ever take a fence down unless you know what caused it to be built in the first place.

Saturday, October 19, 2019

Birthday Party New Best Thing

Birthdays - the more elaborate or expensive or both come with  bragging rights as to most outlandish, or expensive, or imaginative birthday gala.  This popped up this morning in some thing else (Shiloh Jolie-Pitts' 13th birthday if you must know  She says she is gender fluid.)  This new must do is The Escape Room Puzzle.

A small group of guests - seven to a dozen - are locked in a specially designed room such as a submarine or a bank or some Jurassic simulation.  There are puzzles to disclose clues to help the prisoners find the exit or the key to the exit.  A clock loudly ticks away 60 minutes which is all of the time allotted to escape.  

The sets are done by set designers or theme park engineers, and puzzle masters.  Escape Rooms are billed as live entertainment.  The fee per person runs from $28 to $32.  Under 14 years old must have a parent, relative or other approved adult in tow.  Invitees are advised to wear comfortable shoes and dress for air conditioning.

This is all well and good, but I don't think it's ideal entertainment for people with claustrophobia.  Just sayin'

Friday, October 18, 2019

The Favorite Pasttime of Many Americans - Self Absorption!

A new one!  Whee!

I came across this accidentally and it's good for at least an hour or more of self glorification.  And in my case much, much more.  It occurred to me to write something of an autobiography and I couldn't remember where I'd been or whom I'd been doing in great swaths of memory loss.  

Hmmm, who would know? I mused to myself.  I'll tell you who:  our federal government via Social Security payments!   

I went to the closest SS office and asked for and got a printed (in great detail) list of every job I've ever had, the company name, the amount paid me for every year since 1977.  From 1985 to 1977 was a bit of a puzzler - the year is listed, the amount earned  but instead of the corporate name it reads "Earned/no detail available."  

Realistically speaking, I could have been out robbing banks for 19 years and the amount earned was my heists.  I can assure you, I was working honestly because after a great deal of thought I determined that some of it was my  first job in a hotsy-totsy dress shop, age 18; then 19, PayWay Feed Mills - notable because I picked up a stray dog; who bit me which caused my mother to freak out and forced me to get rabies shots every day for 10 days.  I had to go to St. Luke's Hospital ER for said shots.

Interns administered each shot - which if you've never had them, are shot around the navel - left one day, top the next until you're done.  This is memorable to me because the interns loved to tease me by pulling my underpants down further while I frantically tried to pull them back up, providing great fun for all (but one) concerned.    

Naturally in remembering a job, I remembered the people I had worked with and this is where extensive research comes in.  Googling each and everyone of them to see if they are still alive.  In cases where an intimate relationship had taken place, I hope that they are out-of-the country and unlikely to read "Resume" or peacefully dead.  Lawsuits are such a bore. 

Go to your closest Social Security office, wait your turn - they are very well organized and staffed, tell them what you want and while you are paying them - $91 - they are printing out your personal, one nd only, information.  Mine ran to five pages and figuring it out took an afternoon and while I still don't understand RPYR or REO and so forth, clearly I'm legal because they didn't detain me.  Great entertainment!  Highly recommended!   

Thursday, October 17, 2019

A Great Idea From Target - Kids Wheelchair Halloween Costumes

Someone remembered disabled kids - with gusto.  They seem to be cardboard, cut and colored to resemble such as a Cinderella-type carriage with ornate wheels or a pirate ship with globes printed for the wheels.  Utterly charming and only $34 each.  With care they can be used for several years, I would think.

Children with special sensory sensitivity can get a Unicorn or a Shark costume, which have super soft padding and flat seams.

It just occurred to me that these would be a good Halloween treat for the Childrens' ward in a hospital or available at a fire or police station after donations of them to either.


Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Pumpkins Still Coming On - Don't Slow Down! Keep Running!

GAMBLE HOUSE PUMPKIN CAKE
4 eggs
1 large can pumpkin
2 cups of sugar
2 T pumpkin pie spice
1 large can evaporated milk
2 teas. vanilla
1 1/2 cubes of butter
1 box yellow cake mix
Pecans for garnish

PUMPKIN ROLLS
3/4 cup flour
1 cup sugar
3 eggs
1/2 tsp. cinnamon1
1 teas. baking soda
2/3 cup pumpkin
Beat all of the above up together, spread in one layer cross the whole cookie sheet or parchment over cookie sheet and bake at 375 for 15 minutes

Gently get it from the cookie sheet to a clean kitchen towel, dusted with powdered sugar.  Roll it up and let it cool then unroll it and add the frosting -

PUMPKIN ROLL FROSTING
1 8oz. package cream cheese
1 cup powdered sugar
1 T vanilla
1 T butter
walnuts to toss across the finished product.

Butter the roll as you would a slice of bread with the frosting and gently roll it all back up again.  And after a suitable "sit time" cut in slices and serve.  Pumpkin Spice Ice Cream optional.

If all of this sounds too arduous to fuss with, just betake yourself to a Trader Joe's or Gelsons or Whole Foods and limber up your billfold.  

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Got a Hideout Chosen? The Pumpkins Are Coming - RUN!

I've noted for several years now (not that I'm slow or anything) that Trader Joe is clearly entered in some kind of contest to see if they can have a bigger variety of pumpkin products on offer than any other market in America.  They have placed well but they have also challenged me (whether they know it or not and strongly suspect "not") to come up with more.  

The Soroptimists of Big Bear, CA, have come to my rescue with a created-by-members cookbook.  Let us quit adieu-ing and get with it.

PUMPKIN SNAP PIE
24 gingersnaps lining a pie plate - just buy a gingersnap crust; let's not go nuts here
1 cup pumpkin
1/2 cup of sugar
1/2 teas. cinnamon
1/2 teas. ginger
1/4 teas. nutmeg
1 qt. vanilla ice cream
Beat all of the pumpkin, ice cream and spices together; spread smoothly over pie crust
Freeze.  Optional serving topping - garnish with whipped cream

UPSIDE DOWN PUMPKIN PIE
1 large can pumpkin
1 1/4 cups sugar
2 teas. cinnamon
1/2 teas. ginger
1 teas. nutmeg
1 13 oz. can evaporated milk
3 eggs beaten
1 box yellow cake mix (with pudding is okay to use)
1 cup chopped nuts - walnuts?  Pecans?  As your fancy flies you.
1 cup melted butter.
Mix the pumpkin, spices, evaporated milk and eggs until well blended.
Pour into a buttered 9x12 baking pan (sounds like a meatloaf pan to me)
Sprinkle the cake mix over the top, sprinkle nuts
Drizzle the melted butter and bake at 350 for one hour.
Prep time - 25 minutes, bake time 1 hour.

Two recipe down' three to go.

Monday, October 14, 2019

ROOAAARRR

At the moment, our backyard is a'roar.  We have/had a blockage somewhere and so Richie called the plumber who is now doing the noisy part of the job.  First he sent a "tv camera" according to Richie down a main line, determined that there were tendrils of tree pushing their way along it and now the plumber and his helper are using a high-pressure roar of water down the affected line.  The plumber said it would cut up the foreign interlopers and flush them away!  How cool is that?

The plumber said it's probably the enormous tree (that I planted from a 4 in. seedling in a little pot some years ago.)  I have been after  Richie to get rid of it; to no avail.  Now it looks as though I might get it gone.  YAY!

Then when the plumber is done, paid, and off on other adventures, Richie gets to walk down to auto repair (only a couple of blocks away)and pick up Truck which, after the infusion of some $600 for a new carburetor, will  roll proudly once again.

A busy morning for him.  You do know that the plumber could not possibly do the job without Richie watching.  It's a guy thing.  Ladies, it's not ours to wonder about.  Least said, soonest mended.  And even though you have given up on tree removal, be of cheer - the plumbing may conspire with you!  Good luck!