Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Summertime Fun - Laughing At and Cheering For a Pet Rock, a Worm ... it's All Here..

"The Contest Book - 299 unusual contests you can enter!" compiled by Ken Dollar, Ruth Reichel and Susan Subtle  190 pages  $7.95  published 1979

Since the pub date was 1979, I cautiously explored whether or not my selections have been heard of since then.  So - batter up!

The International Worm Fiddling Contest
Careyville, FL  Held since 1974
 It should be noted that this is not music lessons for worms.  "Fiddling" in this case is a means of  luring worms, comfy in their holes to emerge from them to see what's going on.  Here's how it's done.  You will need a 2" round stake, which you stick into a worm-fertile looking bit of ground, down about a foot.  Then take a brick or a piece of wood and scrape it back and forth shaking the ground.  The worm fearing for its life, will emerge.  If you didn't garner a large number, take a look at what you did lure up to see how long it is.  There's a prize for Longest Worm Captured.

National Condom Couplet Contest
San Francisco, held in February often on the 14th for Valentine's Day
First prize is a solid gold condom' 2nd is a silver wallet with the telltale ring extrusion; 3rd is a gross -or 144 -  regular condoms for "the night of your life."

Some past winners - "From using condoms you will learn.  No deposit means no return."
"Rubberizing copulation puts a cap on population."
"When you rise, condomize."

The Pet Rock Race
Sterling, CO

Residents here in Logan County became firmly convinced that a rock was the first "pet" of  primitive man, and from that these contests devolved.  Strict rules apply.  "All rocks must weight at least 2-oz. and no more than 5 lbs."
Dressing or costuming your pet rock is not allowed.
Pets shall compete from a standing start and maintain a true course that does not impede progress of other contestants.  The rock that travels the furthest wins.

Logan County as a whole says, "Rock on!"

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

The Must-Have Insult

Which is "You're a racist!  Things are getting kind of bad, so please be aware...

 The other day I overheard this exchange.  Two women of a certain age were discussing summer foods from their perch on a waiting-for-the-bus bench.

Purple dress: " Oh, I do like a nice tray of iced  crudites in the summer but they can just leave off the radishes and add more carrots instead!  I don't like radishes!" and gave a delicate shudder.

Woman in yoga pants and billowy top:  "Ohhh, you're a racist!"  and so saying, slid a little further away from Purple dress.

Both then ignored each other in favor of looking up the street for the bus.

Monday, July 15, 2019

Slave Reparations

Just suppose that your great, great, great, great grandfather killed someone.  Are you going straight to the gallows?

There are other groups - I want reparation for the Huguenots who were forced to flee France, for one.   

Sunday, July 14, 2019

Stuff White People Like Is a Real Website

And it's great entertainment no matter what color you might be.  There's always that wonderful comparative ethnicity wherein yours is the best.  And the corollary is that you can feel superior especially to fellow white slobs.

What is this poor demented woman writing about now?  Is she trying to start a race riot?  Does she not know that any mention whatsoever of the fact that people do come in a great many shades is  rude?

Here are a couple I picked at random …

Art Appreciation
At the time this was written, the graffiti artist Banksy was a  big hit.  White People consider graffiti to be "art" when it looks like something other than squiggles which are considered vandalism.

The World Cup
It allows White People to pretend that they are European and that they get to match a country with the tipple of choice there.

They don't remember a single play in any of the games (or the games themselves)  but can remember with instant recall getting knee-walking drunk on Sangria during a Spain-Paraguay match at 5 a.m.

Roller Derbies (Women's Division)
Considered a whimsical event to watch, but not one in which to participate.  Skaters stage names provide additional glee.   For additional laughs, Google "female roller derby names" and see what comes up.   In fact that's such a good idea that I'm off to do it.  Happy hunting!

Saturday, July 13, 2019

My Printer Is Back!


I'm almost done celebrating Friday/s Big Event.  A representative of Wireless Planet, came to the house, waved magic fingers and Presto!  My new printer worked for the very first time!  When Columbus happened upon on what is now America, he couldn't have been happier than I was at hearing the roller rattle and a sheet of once pristine white paper emerged with  stuff on it! 

Also of note:  if any of your children show signs of interest in the technical side of computers, encourage them.  The guy that came to use was here 15 minutes and after a $75 cash payment wended his cheerful way onward.  When I was sure he was well away, I screamed up the stairs to Richie and the cats:  We've got a printer again! YESSSS!  None of them were impressed in any way. 

Let's do the math:  15 minutes $75
                                   30 minutes $150
                                   60 minutes  $300.  
Now you see why I urge computer sciences for your kids?  

And I'll say this for free.  Spend the money!  

Friday, July 12, 2019

Strozzapreti Pasta (priest strangler) at the New Neighbors

As savage as that might sound, it is a dish that emerged, more as wishful thinking than the actual murder of a clerical figure.  This pasta comes to the rest of the world via Tuscany and Umbria where the Church's greedy hands took everything they could get said hands on - land, buildings, tithing and inviting themselves to after-Mass dinners on Sundays.

Your house was penalized if the cook was particularly talented.  Then every Sunday you would find his knees shoved under your Sunday dinner table.  After a month or more of this rapacious priest stuffing his face with food meant for the immediate family, the wives (generally the chefs at that time) developed a certain … resentment.  To release some tension in their kitchens, they invented a new pasta shape and among themselves, they secretly referred to it as "priest strangler."    To this untutored eye, it look like three linguini squashed together, and cut into 1 1/2 in. strips and given a twist in the middle.   How the women must have enjoyed "strangling the priest."  

Who is this New Neighbor in the shopping mall, corner of Aviation and prospect?  Spumoni, 1101 Artesia, Hermosa Beach, 424-304-2421  it replaced an Indian restaurant named Akbar.

Richie, "D" and me, decided to try it last night.  The interior of the large dining room is very old-fashioned chic with banquettes against the long wall and chairs plus a large nook with group seating off to the right from the entrance.  White tablecloths, waiters in black pants and white shirts.

Here's what we ordered (and ate with some gusto.)

Richie:  Pollo Cacciatore - double chicken breasts, with roasted peppers, mushrooms, onions, in a light white wine tomato sauce.  $20

"D" Linguini Pescatore $19 but I couldn't find it in the online menu.  I know it had mussels because Richie "borrowed" three of them.

Me :  Strozzapreti Carbonara  $18  It was delicious and as they give large portions, it's my dinner tonight as Richie's leftovers are his.  Clearly he filled up on mussels...

Drinks:  two glasses Fantini Sangiovese - $26
One glass house pinot grigio  $9
Two glasses Carmenet Cabernet  $26
Two splits sparkling Prosecco  $28

Three people, food and wines' $170.45 without taxes.

And no priests were harmed during this dinner.

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Er, The Dentist's Bad News

For me, not them.  X-rays (routine; it was time for them) showed that I need two root canals and two subsequent crowns.    These are expensive treatments and to say "sticker shock" is wild understatement.  ($7,000+)

Years ago I was offered dental insurance, but I turned it down since previous experiences were only routine teeth cleaning which insurance didn't pay for anyhow.

I can only speculate (spin) that the money I saved NOT having insurance will pay for this massive hit on the old assets.  Every cloud, silver lining …   and other relevant bullshit.

To quote that wise old philosopher Linda Ellerby, "And so it goes."

If you've had one, what did you think of it?


For seniors there really is not a great dental insurance plan but if you have dental issues like mine then having insurance can save you in the long run.
     Anderson's Own Doug.