Sunday, January 19, 2020

A Shocking Dearth of Meghan and Harry Jokes

If ever a great opportunity for some - alas.  The following is what I could scrounge up.  They are not inspiring.

Kimmel - It's every parent's dream to NOT have the 35 year old kid still living with them.

Colbert - Leaving the United Kingdom but remaining on Queen Elizabeth's Verizon family plan.

Queen Elizabeth now calls Kate 'the one in the Will.'

And from a Comment online:  Two cheeks on the same arsehole.

Immediate comeback - Neither made a good marriage.

Feel free to let me know what you glean.  My fields were clearly old cornstalks.

Saturday, January 18, 2020

The Last Actress Standing - Happy Birthday Betty White!

The Golden Girls is still running and a man connected with the show remarked that he made probably $600 per episode, but reruns are now paying him $3,000.  So we don't have to fret about "poor Betty White; how does she live now?"

Add in royalties from her seven published books and the answer could easily be "very well indeed."

At 98, she is left to carry the banner for Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan and Estelle Getty.  So follows this bit of trivia.

Betty and Bea Arthur shared a birth year - 1922 - but Betty is older within that year  1-17-1922; Bea May 13, 1922.

Estelle Getty was born in in 1923 and Rue came in last and consequently youngest in 1934.  She died in 2010 aged 76 of a massive stroke.  Notably she also had six husbands and one child.

Estelle died of Lewy body dementia in 2008 age 84.  Lewy's is ranked #3 below Alzheimer's then vascular dementia.

Bea Arthur married  twice and had two children.  She died of lung cancer on April 25, 2009 which was my 69th birthday.

Golden Girls debuted September 14, 1985, when Bea and Betty were 63; Estelle was 64 and Rue 51.

Senior citizens can so keep working!  The Golden Girls were in every sense a credit to their ages.  Long may they be remembered - especially in reruns.  Their estates will thank them.

Friday, January 17, 2020

Beating Black Ice

Readers in So. Calif. are going to laugh at what follows, but those all through the Midwest and East Coast are probably not.  That's where the dread black ice lives.  It's a real menace to driving but mentioned far less is just walking along your street to walk the dog or bring in the mail or the newspaper.

A good friend lives in Kansas City, MO which was predicted to have ice today.  Not specified was whether it will be "just ice" or black ice.  She has a little dog named Heidi who wants a minimum of four walks a day.  Not kidney issues, just a very sociable little dog who wants to pay calls to her dog neighbors up and down the street.

My friend is my age (older than dirt) and doesn't need a broken hip so … how to get around this?  Golf shoes!  They're cleated.  Eisenhower busted up the floor of the Oval Office by wearing his there straight from the course.

I asked my sister if they (golfers all) switch them over for use when it's icy?  Her laughing reply was that they only time they would is if they were caught out on the course with no recourse.  Not helpful.

And then I remembered mountain climbers who use a device called a "crampon" which is a strap-on set of fairly hefty spikes.  They're used for mountaineering and ice climbing.  No reason they couldn't be used on city streets.  Because they are a collection of straps, buckled on, it's easy enough to whisk them off when you get to your destination, put on your regular shoes and go about your business .

Who has them?  Out here the REI stores or Dick's Sporting Goods.  They range in price from $18.99 to $129.95.

Of note, Where the snow blows EMTs and first responders have a pair in their backpacks.  Right next to the Automatic External Defibrillator (AED)  

This wasn't mentioned but I bet they'd be good for push off on a sled...There's usually more than one use for any device.

Thursday, January 16, 2020

Hypocrites or Clueless - You Decide

In the recent news, Meghan the gold digging wife of the formerly known "Prince"  Harry is currently residing on Vancouver Island, Canada.  She is being loaned a $14 million home as sanctuary.

The other day she hopped a sea plane (probably the home owner's private plane) and bopped over to the mainland (a 20-minute flight)  where she visited a shelter for women.  It is reported that she left baby Archie (and I still think naming a possibly future King "Archie" is odd and altogether too flip for Elizabeth's Royal family) with her best friend - and quite possibly six or eight nannies.  A previous story, just post-birth, said that she was obdurate that no one tends to Archie but her.  Not even Harry.  Nannies were quitting left and right at her dictatorial ways.  Something of a sea change, no?

Curious, I looked up the charities she is reputed to support.  I would have guessed Max Factor, Revlon, etc. but a make up company sells their goods; they don't give them away.  Hardly a charity.

Here's what I came up with.
CHIVA  Children's HIV Association  Helping families with kids who are HIV+.

CRISIS - homeless  Probably plenty of room in her host's house, but … that would never do.

The Myna Mahila Foundation,  providing advice and education, sanitary supplies to women during "that time of the month."

Scotty's Little Soldiers - aiding kids whose parents died or were gravely wounded in a war.

StreetGames  Encourages poor children in England, Wales and Scotland to play suitable games on their own doorsteps.   I don't see that somehow in Archie's future.

One last meow - given the endless shots of besotted Harry and adoring Meghan, how come he is still by his lonesome in England and she is cavorting around in sea planes?  I suspect the worst.  Let's hope I'm right!  She did leave an ex-husband wandering around somewhere.

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

A Petty But Real Annoyance and Deconstructing the Human Body

Paper Cuts

They are a good example.  A careless gesture, a wrong move and your finger is bleeding like a stuck pig.  Oh! and it stings like hell!  Speaking of hell, what the hell is this?  It's a papercut and it's usually to a finger; said finger apparently containing the nerve endings of every one of them in the entire body.

And the wound (medical people love to say "wound" rather than, for example, "piddly ass cut.") could only be as deep as the outermost layer of skin.  Where the suntan shows.

After I cut my right index finger on the very sharp edge of a can of cat food, I stopped the bleeding - toilet paper, pressure and keeping it above the heart for a quick fix until I could wash it in cold water and soft soap, carefully pat-dry it and apply Mupericin (the best antibiotic cream out there) and a band-aid.  I made an unpleasant discovery.  Wherever the cut happens to be it is going to be vulnerable to being opened up again right after the bleeding stopped.  I for one didn't realize how often and how carelessly I treat my fingers.

The good news is that it should be healed in three to seven days.  No one ever (so far at least) has died from a papercut.  Just keep a band-aid on it until it is healed.  And watch it in the future.

Obesity and Flat Feet
For no reason at all, I suddenly wondered about this.  Can one be so fat as to flatten one's own arches?

The human foot is comprised of 26 bones with more than 30 articulations.  The foot is charged with three duties:  support, shock absorption and weight bearing.  Can one be so obese as to flatten an arch?  A study of women age 20+ showed that 44 per cent of them could.  A scary thought.

Some doctors might disagree.  I once asked an orthopedic surgeon if morbidly obese (we're talking 600 pounds plus) people destroy their knees?  He said they didn't.  I mentally disagreed with him then and still today.  Even so, I have quit eating a mid-afternoon snack of perhaps cheese and crackers or a candy bar.  Better safe than sorry.


Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Ah, Tis the Bard of Lisle

Sit back and prepare to enjoy another example of his wit and humor ...

"First there was Brexit and now there is Megxit
Mark my words the Queen wants to hex it

Meghan married a prince and soon had a son
But from royal duties she's now on the run

No more does she wish to bow to the Queen
Life as a royal has quite lost its sheen

The trading of lifestyles has been flipped on its ear
Harry traded for hers to start the new year

He'll live in the New World in more ways than one
Meghan's in charge to dictate what's done.

He can't be King and she can't be Queen
At the back of the line, neither one is too keen

They'll live in Canada and learn to say "eh"
But will the Crown still keep them as it does today?"

Grateful thanks to the inimitable Bard of Lisle.

Monday, January 13, 2020

Rock'n Roll Writer - And Not Bad at That

"Me  Elton John" by Elton John  372 pages  $30

Richie is a great fan so I bought him the book for a Christmas present.  He plans to start it today (January 12th.)  He was reading something else and his motto is finish what you began.  Admirable, I suppose, but it also meant I could read it first so no harm no foul.

It's an interesting saga, a little too much music stuff in the front … music played, venues played, other performers (he adored most of them - in every way, ahem.)  I liked it for the anecdotes of the rich and renowned. When he saw Queen Elizabeth II slapping her nephew Margaret's son in the face for not doing her bidding - just little slaps - don't get all hinky - used to punctuate I Am The Queen You Do Not Disobey Me.  When he ran out of the room to check on his sister as ordered, she turned to Elton and winked.

He was also tight with Princess Diana, which will be remembered at her funeral, playing a version of "Candle in the Wind" rewritten by Bernie Taupin to laud her.  Became a worldwide hit and he put the royalties in his Elton AIDs charity.

He and Giorgio Armani were best friends,  Armani's murder gutted him.

 A tour with Tina Turner and Elton fell through after she called him to say "how awful I was and how I had to change before we could work together.  She didn't like my hair, she didn't like the color of my piano - which for some reason had to be white - and she didn't like my clothes.  You wear too much Versace, and it makes you look fat.  You have to wear Armani," she announced."

Juicy tidbits like this, spicing up the narrative are largely what made the latter part of the book a delight to me.

I am shallow.  I have no pressing need to learn what my betters are up to and why.  Hey!  They sold the book!   Don't look at me!