Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Never Mind

I was going to bring back armadillos to selected friends who expressed an interest in having one, but have changed my mind.

Armadillos can carry leprosy or Hansen's disease.  That is why you never touch one, let alone eat one.  And I wouldn't let my dog mess with one if I had a dog.

So - maybe little chocolate "armadillos" instead.  If such a thing is made and thinking about it, almost anything is possible in Texas.   

Extreme Timing

Richie and I are flying to San Antonio to attend the 96th birthday of my cousin Bill.  My sister and bro-in-law are flying in from Chicago.  We are both flying the same airline.  They leave ORD at 10:30 a.m. and land at SAT at 1:11 p.m.  Our flight leaves at 8:20 a.m. and we land at 1:25 p.m.

How cool is that?

So This Wedding Cake Goes to the Supreme Court ...

A gay male couple tries to hire a local bakery to make them a wedding cake..  The baker-owner declines. 

Instead of having gone to a gay-owned bakery in the first place, and keep substantial money in the gay community,  the pair now have a hissy fit and demand that the baker make the cake.

The baker points to the sign in his establishment that reads "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."  This is perfectly legal unless a person is refused service for race, color, national origins or religion.  Being gay is "none of the above."

Naturally they took it to a court as is the wont of apparently everyone residing in the United States.  Not happy about something?  Sue the bastards!

Ever curious, I began to wonder if this was the only bakery in Denver - gay or straight or catering solely to giraffes. 

The Denver city limits contain 663,862 souls as of 2014.  Metro Denver counts 3 million residents.  Are all of these people gay haters?  Not on your tintype, toots.  The Denver Gay Friendly Business Directory is so successful that they charge $$$ to buy a copy of it.  Travelogue et al have sections touting gay amusements, restaurants, discos and mention specific sections of the city where gays gather or are reported to gather.

Given all of this, the gay couple's suit is one of the purest examples of a frivolous lawsuit possible.  Is this what the Supremes have come to?  If so, it is a sorry day for America. 

Sunday, June 25, 2017

The Pleasures of Conversation With a Great Wit

Quite some time ago, looking to buy an oxygen mask that the flight attendants are issued  to carry on board any plane that I took, I ran across the proprietor of a site that sells gently-used airplane parts.  I was tempted by the control panel for a 747, but budgetary concerns kept my hands out of my purse.

During the dialogue that subsequently ensued, I became friends with the former pilot who runs this charitable (and not for him) enterprise.  He is screamingly funny and every missive is cause for great roars of laughter on my part.

I got into the habit of consulting with him on anything aeronautical. Today was no different.  We're flying to San Antonio soon.  The aircraft will be an Embraer and I'd never heard of one.

So we discussed the Embraer, a jet made in Rio, that is being used for some American Airlines short hops.  I wondered if it was a make he liked to fly  (God knows he's flown everything with wings) and here we go ....

Not to worry, the planes are fine, and even though it's probably really Mesa or some other regional line wearing an American paint job, they do a good job.  Relax, keep your feet off of the seats and don't speak Arabic and I've heard, flying down in that area, they have a chef roast an armadillo, no trouble as those are found dead on the highway about one per mile in Texas.

And I wrote back:  You never disappoint.  No, I was asking you about these only because I always liked the S80 - very whippy, apparently responsive and they don't seem to need a 10-mile long runway. 

Armadillos are a bitch to peel.  I shall ask for mine to be shelled in the kitchen/galley. 

If I spoke French (am fluent) in Texas, they'd probably think it was Arabic.

Oddly enough, despite many journeys to South Texas, have never seen an armadillo (dead or alive) by the side of the road.  Either the Highway Commission is on it or they have a lot of hungry poor people. 

Re asking for it to be shelled in the galley, he wrote back, "Just as you'd order lobster, ask for the tail (meat) only."

I wish I'd seen this - our correspondent in Texas wrote that she had seen a dead armadillo  by the side of the road, lying on his back, holding a beer can. 

Our mothers were right - the evils of drink - lying on the side of the road like a dead armadillo.  Can't you see them shaking an admonitory finger? 

Saturday, June 24, 2017

How Hot Is It?

If you live in Phoenix ... it's inhumanely H O T.  Ditto for Palm Springs and Las Vegas.

Never mind showing us pictures of your breakfast cooking on the sidewalk - eggs sunnyside up and pancakes - I saw a shot of a person's hands in oven mittens on the steering wheel of their car!  That's hot!  Damned hot!

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Rest In Peace

Doug and Jackie, his wife of 61 years

Doug and daughter Sandy

My cousin, Warren Chapin "Doug" Vermillion    July 24, 1935 - June 20, 2017

Doug left his soul mate, Jackie, of 61 years, three adult children, six grandchildren and one great-grandchild.  He was a retired LA County FD Fire Captain, who completed his military service in the Army and for fun he served and then led the Safety Crew at the Ontario Motor Speedway.  In all of these occupations, he was said to be fearless and I myself once saw him run across the track to get to a car up in the fence before the yellow flag had quit waving.  He was moving pretty good, I must say.

However, despite this great loss, and it is, we are not short of Doug Vermillions.  His nephew was named for him and he is Doug Vermillion, MD, a well-known and greatly respected orthopod and burn specialist in Anchorage.  

Another cousin is Doug Vermillion, a retired history teacher in Anderson, IN.    As he is the family genealogist, he can probably find some more should we run short of them, God forbid.  All of ours are handsome, intelligent and have great senses of humor.  "Bob" or "Dan" as Dougs just wouldn't be the same.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

If Your Kids Are Adults, You Can Still Lie To Your Grandkids is a favorite site of mine for a smile or three.  Today this was featured - lies your parents may have told you.  See if any of these are familiar, eh?

"If the ice cream truck is playing music, that means it's out of ice cream."

One kid asked his Dad about the coconuts at the supermarket and Dad said, "Don't touch those!  They're bear eggs!"

"Oh, no, honey, we can't have French fries - we're not French."

"If you wake us up before 7 a.m., Santa will take all of your presents back to the North Pole with him."

In a store - "If you can kiss your elbow, you can have it." 

If you eat more than one marshmallow, you'll blow up!"

"We only have white milk; the brown cows aren't working today."

"Oh, this isn't Coca Cola - it's black water and you wouldn't like that!"

"That? (pointing to cemetery) "those are people farms."

"If you swallow that gum, your poop will bounce in the toilet!  Spit it out."

And the hands down, no question ever for Guaranteed To Put the Child into Therapy for a minimum of 30 years, 5x a week:  A deranged mother ran the video of the child being born backwards and told the kid, "This is where bad children go."