Wednesday, March 20, 2019

I Didn't Know She Was Still Alive!

A long time ago, the Girl Singer at the Jazz Club sang a haunting song, insanely popular during WW2, called "We'll Meet Again."  The artist who introduced it was one Vera Lynn.  The lyrics run (loosely)  "We'll meet again; don't know where, don't know when but I know we'll meet again some sunny day!  Keep smiling through as you always do 'cause I know we'll meet again some sunny day."

You can see why that would resonate with those alive in WW2.  I like it so much that I left instructions for it to be played at the "afters" when we're dead.  It's also blessed with a very danceable beat.

It was also the background music for the atom bomb explosions in "Dr. Strangelove."

Today the Notable Birthdays column in the Daily Breeze led off with Vera Lynn, 102!  I really had associated her so strong with WW2 that I just assumed that she had died long ago.  How wrong I was.

Her life was filled (justifiably so) with awards and citations (the good kind; not traffic violations) and she was made first an Officer of the Order of the British Empire in 1969 which was followed by a Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire in 1975.  This latter won her the Dame in front of her name.

She married Harry Lewis (saxophonist) in 1941; they had a daughter - now 71 - and they were married 57 years before he died in 1998.

Vera, I'm sorry I thought you were dead when you were actually just fine.  When I see you, I'll apologize.  Keep smiling through!  

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Pardon My Nerves This Morning ....

My Tuesday should have been a Monday as far as problems are concerned.  The first shock to my nervous system was the first e-mail of the day informing me that I had canceled my domain (southbaywritersworkshop.com) which I most certainly hadn't!

That sucker cost me several days, numerous purpose tremors and a general malaise.  After putting it together, the very last thing I would do would be to cancel it.

But to my joy, after I finally got into my account at GoDaddy.com, I got help, renewed it and paid them $98 to get it back.  Don't rat me out but I would have paid more.

This is the first time since 2000 that I had minimal fuss (try working with www.createspace.com) online and got a problem solved in eight minutes.

But given my experiences in cyber space, we will see what tomorrow brings.

For a bit of levity and perhaps a laugh, consider what we saw driving north to Culver City to our CPA with our 2018 taxes.  We're on Sepulveda, just about to pass Jefferson off to our left, when looking idly out of the window I spotted this - Secret Pole-Dance Studio.

Food for thought indeed.  I noticed the building did not have windows and after I got home and pulled up their Website I saw why.  Classes are most assuredly not made up exclusively for  the young and lissome one might expect considering my first thought was, "They have a university?"
And given our destination (tax guy) whether attending would be a write-off in the future?

Numerous photos of the classes - which include lap dancing - showed me a galaxy of  beefalos bending, stretching and assuming coy poses.  The copy allowed as to how these classes are a good workout (the pole would bend in half of some of them attempted to climb it) and "release a woman's inner sexuality."  With presumably a pecan pie and an chocolate cake joining in.

There are two locations:
Secret Pole-Dancing Studio
11409 Jefferson Boulevard, Culver City - 9 poles  and
12913 Hawthorne Boulevard, Torrance - 11 poles!

Just in case your inner sexuality is bangin' at the door to freedom.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Talkin' Texas

Reader's Digest runs a regular column called "Toward More Colorful Speech" but I propose a simple trip to Texas to become the most colorful sumbitch in your circle of friends and strangers.

I am lucky enough to have more than several relatives in South Texas.  Every one of them is a delight to listen to as most of Texas clearly wants to entertain any passing non-natives.

Some samples gleaned from various sources such as Texas Monthly,  Dan Jenkins (my late grammar instructor)  who gave us such, "Got a problem? "Money whip it!"  To shapely adorables of dubious morality - "Fifties and hundreds over here!"  "Bangin' her like a screen door in a twister."

Describing terrorists "...Or some other pack of off-brand foreigners who dress silly."  Describing a Board of Directors as in "I was surrounded by bobble-head dolls."  

Random Selection:

Texas has four seasons:  Flood, Drought, Blizzard, Twister.

Hotter than a stolen tamale

So foggy that the birds are walking.

Shy as a mail order bride

So hot the hens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

Useless as an ash tray on a motorcycle

Re a pre-marital pregnancy:  They ate supper 'fore they said, "Grace."

Astute readers will notice that none of the above involve any vulgarity.  They are simply witty ways to describe most anything nicely but with some zip to it.  


Sunday, March 17, 2019

When App Application Goes Too Far

A headline on Drudge caught my eye about the new iPhone 11 which, 'tis rumored, to have three cameras (with no camera opening; shooting right through the glass) and will fold into thirds to make screens larger and - drum roll - wait for it!  a fart detector!!!

I could not come up with anything even remotely necessary about this third feature.  So I clicked on and read that a Headline Editor had just been having some fun.  This fart part is 'way down the road if, in fact it is used at all,  and is meant to sniff out poisonous gases in homes and other locations where it will ring an alarm to alert iPhone11 owners.

So much for "Pull my finger! ha ha ha!  Gotcha!"

Saturday, March 16, 2019

Further Digestion of the Reader's Digest...

And once again, I do the heavy lifting so you won't have to (sigh)

I ordered a bed from Ikea and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw.

Everybody's a tough guy until they have to use a screwdriver overhead for two minutes.

Movies show people kissing in the rain, but I want a guy who'll run out there and get the cushions off of the porch chairs when the weather starts kicking up.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY  May the parade start on time; may a Budweiser Clydesdale not step on your foot, and the green beer not run out.

Friday, March 15, 2019

Let the Religious Wars Rage On ...

The Spanish Inquisition...Huguenots run out of France … Holocaust … 911 …  add: New Zealand mosque attacks …

Religious wars are not new anywhere on the globe.  The best advice?  Never Forget.

Someone even more cynical than I am might quietly think, "Well, with New Zealand, we've (non-Muslims) finally got skin in the game."

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Not Good Enough for the Daily Breeze?

Well la di dah!  I'll just run it right here!

Letters to the Editor

Dear Sirs:

Perhaps our California Governor Gavin Newsom is unaware that in his ban on actually executing those who so richly deserve it, he is defying the court, judges and juries that put him/her there.

Sincerely,
Nina Murphy