Thursday, October 6, 2016

Insanity and Disappointment on a Thursday

Penn Jillette, of magic act Penn and Teller lost 100 lbs. and wrote a book about it. 

Presto!  How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and other magical tales  by Penn Jillette   Simon and Schuster   344 pages   $26

Penn is somewhat insane himself - he and wife Emily (EZ) Zoltan married in 2004.  Their children are son Zolten "Z" around the house and daughter Moxie Crime Fighter.  Yeah, that's what you name a newborn baby girl - didn't you know that? 

We saw the act in Las Vegas some years ago and walking out, I said to Richie, "He really needs some anger management courses..."  Belligerent, bad language as normal language ... insulting... whew.

When he topped 330 lbs. at 6 ft. 7 in. and had to go in for several stents, his doctor (finally) threatened him with a "stomach sleeve."    The doctor gave Penn a six month head start on losing weight and avoiding the stomach sleeve. 

Enter an acquaintance at the time, a man named Ray Cronise, former NASA scientist and innovator who promptly put Penn on a diet of his own devising.  It was what is known as a mono-food diet wherein the patient eats nothing but one food for 10 days.  Penn was offered potatoes or beans and chose potatoes.  Baked or boiled or mashed (with water no milk or butter.)   If you want to know more about Cronise' very dangerous diet, Google him and proceed from there.  I refuse to be any part of endorsing such craziness. 

Eventually, Penn was able to add other  items to his diet.  Served on his 60th birthday:

Make a dip in the Cuisinart of cashews, lemon, nutritional yeast, and a touch of balsamic vinegar and chives, garnish with roasted grapes.  Dip endive leaves and eat. 

To save you from disappointment, this just in:  Amazon, Walmart and Target have all pulled the Tranny Granny Halloween costume from their racks.  This outfit - a house dress, amply padded at bust and butt with a matching head scarf with pink rollers attached - sells for $24.95 and is made by a firm calling itself Rasta Imposta. 

It apparently was intended to replace last year's smash hit -" I am Caitlin" (in an outfit that duplicated her Vanity Fair magazine cover.)  Arguably, it's heartening to see that sex changes are not yet out of fashion. 

Still, if you are hellbent to go anywhere portraying Caitlin Jenner, hie ye over to the nearest Goodwill and pick out a roomy dress.  Pad front and back with couch pillows, tie on a scarf to which you have sewn gigantic hair rollers, slide into your size 11 pumps and sashay off into the night.  May only good adventures await you.

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