Campaign Promises You DON'T Want Kept

Madonna, former performer and professional tweaker of public offense, has come up with a new way to grab what is hopefully her last 15 minutes (if that) of attention.  Her career as an offense on the way to a stage has included near nude performances, a coffee table book tersely entitled "Sex" featuring her at her sleaziest, her inability to make or direct a good movie and subsequent discussions with the courts on whether she or her former husband Guy Richie should have custody of their son are apparently not satisfying enough.

Now that she's 58 years old, the stage lights are dimming ... and she is desperate.  Never having been known to have any sense of humor whatsoever,  she is probably sincere in this generous offer for a free STD when, as the opening act for comedian (and there are doubts about that, too) Amy Schumer at Madison Square Garden the other night, the woman who has made a career (or something like one) of shocking much of the public offered the audience free oral sex (aka in the vulgate as a "blow job") in return for a vote for Hillary Clinton.  .

If the thought of a haggard, bony old bawd attacking what's under your bathing suit (and by all accounts this includes women) is by no means alluring,  save yourself.  Remind yourself repeatedly that you're safe in the voting booth - they're private - unlike Madonna who would give it up to an armadillo.  And probably has.