And the Reader's Digest Writes Another Blog!

Life With Pets:
I like to listen to owners talking to their dog(s).  Recently I was petting one and he suddenly growled at me so I left.  As I went I heard the owner telling the dog, "Oscar, you always do this.  You drive away all of your friends."

Our cat "Ceremony" is mostly referred to as "Cat."  When we have company though we always use her real name so that we can say, "Come in - don't stand on "Ceremony!"

A maintenance engineer is insulted after he refers to himself as a "Jack of all trades; master of none" and an Asian secretary remarked, in Taiwan, we say, "Equipped with knives all over; yet none are very sharp."

The world's first speeding ticket was written in 1896 (1896) in the village of Paddock Wood, England.  The violator was caught driving 8 mph in a 2 mph zone and was fined 10 shillings.  How times have changed, eh?

Laugh Lines:
The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother.

A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages.

My wife was going to make pancakes, and then she wasn't and then she was going to make pancakes.  Now it looks like she's just waffling.

Humor in Uniform:
"In the '50s, I was a clerk typist at our headquarters in Verdun, France.  We were tough.  How tough?  This was our motto:  'We never retreat, we just backspace.'"

Medical Advice:
Nothing looks better in your 50s than sunscreen in your 20s.