Lazy Sunday

The Wanna-Be Mime
Teacher:  I don't think you're cut out to be a mime.
Student, looking sad:  Was it something I said?
Teacher:  Yes.

The Wandering Wife
Man to his lawyer:  I want to divorce my wife.  She spends every night prowling through bars and pubs!
Lawyer:  Is she looking for anyone in particular?  Someone special?
Man:  Yeah, me.