When Is a Hot Dog Not a Hot Dog?

When the Foodies get their hands on one.  Bon Appetit daringly takes on an American institution and, in my opinion, loses.   Granted, it must be hard to come up with something, month after month, that will dominate the shelter market, but ...  Do you believe  a hot dog in a bun dressed up as a:

Reuben Dog - Russian dressing + Swiss cheese slices + carmelized onions + sauerkraut + sweet relish 

Hawaiian Dog - paprika-honey-mustard* griddled Canadian bacon + pineapple-jalapeno relish*

Banh Mi - peanut satay sauce + pickled carrots + thinly-sliced red chili + cilantro + crushed peanuts

Ranch Dog - Ranch dressing + potato chips + creamy ranch slaw* + pickled hot peppers + chopped chives

Buffalo Dog - Blue cheese dressing + celery slaw + crumbled blue cheese + hot sauce

Elote Dog - mayonnaise + charred corn salsa* + raw tomatillo wedges + "Tajin Clasico" seasoning

* Recipes

PAPRIKA HONEY MUSTARD  Mix 1 1/2 tsp. sweet paprika into 1/2 cup honey mustard

CREAMY RANCH SLAW
Toss 3 cups thinly-sliced red and green cabbage, pepper and toss with Ranch dressing

GRILLED PINEAPPLE JALAPENO RELISH
1 small onion into 1/2 in. rings.  Slice 1/2 peeled pineapple into 1.2 in. thick planks.  Toss with vegetable oil and grill carefully (use a grill basket) Toss in 1/4 cup pickled jalapenos  OR buy a jar of Trader Joe's Corn Relish and add pickled jalapenos to suit. 

CHARRED CORN SALSA
Grill two husked ears of corn, charring slightly.  Scrape kernels into a container, add 2 oz. crumbled queso fresco, 1/2 cup finely chopped red onion, 2 T olive oil and 1 tsp. lime zest

What do I want?  I want a bun, split and toasted then "buttered" with Colman's mustard.  Two Boar's Head all-beef hotdogs in casing nuked in the microwave and each put on a bun half.  When using casing (real) vs. not (and I'd rather not know, thank you) pierce them a couple of times with a fork.  They explode otherwise. 

Obviously am not a candidate for designer hot dogs, but you might be.  Bon appetite!