Here I have liberated (better image than "stolen") some remarks from boredpanda.com. This after I culled through 181 of them on 19 pages. Stealing isn't easy.
So - Mom Sez:
(Disapprovingly) If those shorts were any shorter, we could see her ovaries!
Adult Son to Mom: "My Christmas present to myself this year is to get a vasectomy!"
Mom drily, "A gift to the world."
"Close the door - you're letting all of the WiFi out!"
"If you kids didn't cost so much, I could drink wine out of a bottle."
Retired nurse Mom to kids, "Be patient before I make you a patient."
But my all-time favorite, bar none, Oscars galore is: "I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it."
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