Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Next Big Thing

Most of my life I have enjoyed inventing things. I would go into detail, but the patents are still pending (and have been since 1974) and loose lips sink (undoubtedly profitable) ships.

I have never been limited by a lack of inventiveness. perhaps that's the reason my father often looked at me speculatively and said, "She's going to be a Philadelphia lawyer." (Which he never explained to me or anyone else. I still don't know what he meant.)

Anyhow! My next big thing is a "personal product" and if you are 65 or older, you are going to be licking your lips feverishly and demanding, "Where can I gets me some of that?!"

It all happened very recently (today, if you must know) when I realized the solution to a problem most older people have. Sagging skin! Yessss, I knew that would get your attention.

Past a certain age, we all develop "loose skin." I happened to glance at myself in the mirror this morning toweling off and instead of instantly squeezing my eyes shut, I studied the problem. With sufficient support, my folds would stay in place. Nothing to be done about the creases other than applying a hot iron and that would hurt. Even though the scar tissue would puff nicely.

"Yes," I thought, "spray starch. One could lie on the floor (carpeted, of course) and when the folds disappeared, zap! A good shot of spray starch!" Continuing this line, I realized that spray starch cracks when whacked. I needed to blend it with something that would give it temporary purchase.

And then, I remembered ... back in the day, we all wore false eyelashes and we used little, tiny tubes of surgical glue to attach them.

I am about to bet the Murphy fortune that I am onto something. A judicial blend of spray starch and surgical glue. The money will simply cascade over my doorshill. Who's that woman that did the "Thigh Master" ads? I could use her phone number...

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